Betting syndicate unveils new and improved fixing system

From: The Syndicate
To: XXXX XXXXXXXX (Name redacted)

Esteemed patron,

These are difficult times. The game that we all love and desperately want to manipulate for personal profit has taken a cruel and unexpected blow. Who knew that a ruse as artful and elegant (if we do say so ourselves) as spot-fixing could come undone so easily. For what it's worth, the syndicate would like to be the first to admit that we bear the brunt of the responsibility for all our recent troubles. The system just wasn't thorough enough.

But despair not, for our intrepid research and development team has been hard at work finding ever more nuanced ways in which to provide you the satisfaction and success you deserve from placing a harmless, detection-proof illegal bet on - let's face it - what would otherwise be just another boring cricket match. And as a token of goodwill and appreciation for all your business over the decades, we would like to take this opportunity to provide a select few of our Most Valued Clients a sneak peak, as it were, of what we consider to be the next generation of match-fixing.

Respected abettor, mark these prescient words: we believe the future of match-fixing lies in the subversive act of not match-fixing.

Yes, you heard right. Innocence is the new corruption, folks! And it really isn't difficult to understand why: due to the sheer number of players, administrators and other officials involved in traditional forms of match-fixing, the market as we know it has become saturated. As ever, the need of the hour continues to be to seek newer, more Machiavellian ways. Much cleverer - and safer - to bet on someone who you can be sure (thanks to inside information, of course) is NOT going to be cheating on the day. Of course, you'll have to pay the player to remain innocent, sometimes even offering above and beyond what he might expect to get by indulging in spot-fixing. But hey, the bigger the gamble, the bigger the reward.

With innocent players on our payroll, the sky is the limit. While the rest of the cricketing world continues to blow its money on corrupt players wilfully compromising their game in accord with a prearranged plan, our innocent cricketers will only play to their fullest potential. Even if only for a couple of overs.

Once we identify when a particular passage of play will be free of such outdated modes of spot-fixing, the possibilities are endless. Instead of wagering on an agreed upon set number of runs, for example, you can bet on the degree of impossibility of knowing an exact figure due to the innocence of the cricketer involved. Bets will be based on and determined by a player's selfless actions and genuine striving on the field for the team's cause as opposed to his own. Talk about a win-win situation!

We are pleased to announce that we already have a couple of big-name cricketers on our roster. XX XXXX (name redacted), for example. Yes, it turns out that some of those nasty rumours about certain iconic players being virtually incorruptible beacons of honest endeavour are actually true. So go ahead and place your bets on them with confidence.

Furthermore, we also have a system in place to help identify lesser-known players especially vulnerable to being innocent. One of the ways this is done is through the tried and tested method of using honey-traps. If a cricketer refuses to talk to one of our alluring girls, we know we have what we in the industry like to call an "in". Once sure of his innocence, we make our approach.

It is vital that innocent cricketers fail to give us some sort of signal while on the field so we know that they are playing with the purest of intentions and thereby making the particular passage of play in question conducive for betting. For example, a bowler recently failed to tuck a towel into the waistband of his pants to let us know he'd be bowling an honest over. That's as good a signal as any to let us know that the fun and games can begin. It really is that simple!

You'll be delighted to learn that we even have one or two umpires on our side, a couple of innocent candidates who, for a fee, are willing to make only honest mistakes on the field as opposed to the artificial kind.

Dearest and most respected partner in crime, we hope we have painted a picture of the future that is tempting enough for you to cast all doubt aside and join us in making the next era of match-fixing. Help us write the next chapter of what has thus far been, even allowing for the occasional slip-up, a beautiful relationship. Remember: together we can make a difference to our bank balances.

As an added gesture of our gratitude for your continued patronage, we will not be sending up a beautiful woman to your room tonight. If you hear the doorbell ring only to find nobody there, you'll know that's from us. You are welcome.

Sincerely,
The Syndicate