Moves afoot to legislate proliferation of all-rounders in world cricket

"Mate, can I just say I'm glad they've let me sit here with you, allowing us to cut through all the statistics and technobabble you find on the rest of this site to get to the real issues, the issues we as cricket fans demand answers to. The Right Stuff."

"I see us very much as a powerful torch."

"A powerful torch indeed. From the sofa, eyes trained on the telly, watching every ball."

"Never actually going to a game."

"Well hang on pal, I wouldn't mind going to the occasional game. Call me old-fashioned, but some of my best cricketing memories have come from going to games."

"But you can't beat the telly."

"You can't. See much of the first Test?"

"Every ball. I thought technically we were the better team."

"So did I. But my people tell me there are changes afoot."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, this hasn't come out yet, but there are moves - you didn't hear it here, but moves from somewhere in the Southern Pacific Basin - to legislate against the annoying proliferation of all-rounders in world cricket, specifically, in South African cricket. Quite frankly, it's spoiling the game."

"Quite frankly it is. South Africa just keep producing more and more of them. This Boje - whoa! A year ago he didn't exist and now he's scoring buckets of runs, clean-bowling Flem, and fielding like Jonty Rhodes. Whatever happened to the days when batters couldn't bowl, bowlers couldn't field, and the wicket-keeper couldn't bat? Call me a purist, but that was cricket how it was meant to be played."

"Precisely. And my people also tell me South Africa are massing a helluva case to stop this legislation going through. In fact, and this may sound outrageous, but there is a chance this legislation will fail."

"You can't be serious mate."

"I am serious, mate. The smart money is on teams in the future being allowed an unlimited number of all-rounders. Hence our chances of winning the series in South Africa have taken a very big tumble."

"Especially with pretty much our entire attack lying prone on physio tables all over New Zealand."

"Especially with that. But there were positives to come out of that first Test, huge positives."

"You have to like Walker. But I presume you are referring specifically to Richardson's fifteen off Donald's opening over?"

"Absolutely. Unquestionably the best opening over's batting seen anywhere in the world this calendar year."

"Richardson is from Otago of course. Like John Wright."

"Wrighty's from Darfield, pal."

"Listen, everything Wrighty knows about the game he picked up when he was here as a student. Now he's coaching India. That requires an extraordinarily similar skill to what you need to survive as a student at Otago University. In fact, it was those skills that got Wrighty the job."

"So, Marc Ellis could coach India?"

"Absolutely he could. At any sport."